I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
