3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
