I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
