Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
