uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize