i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
