I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
