thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
