my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
