there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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