drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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