just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
