some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
