let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
