we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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