I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
