did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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