is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
