i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
