I never want to see another naked old woman again.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
