How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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