She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
