There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
