You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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