so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
