you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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