I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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