Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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