i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize