When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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