Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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