Will you blow on my dice?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
