My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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