Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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