You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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