I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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