Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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