we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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