stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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