We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
