wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
