from now on my penis is your penis
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
