How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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