good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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