Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
