Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
