How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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