Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
