we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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