Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
