The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
