Pants 0. Shit 1.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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