She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
