Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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