Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The struggles of a small town man whore
Please don't give away my fajitas
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
