I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize