Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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