I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
