States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
