he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
