Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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