erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
