somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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