Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Terrible idea I love it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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