Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
