Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
