I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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