OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
