My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
