puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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