dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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