If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
