so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
